Weekend well spent @Beringgis Beach Resort

It's been a while since the last time I post something on my blog.
I don't really have time for myself actually recently. Too busy devoting myself for other people and other things. haha.

So last week, I mean on 14/15/16 March 2015, I have been spending my leisure time at Beringgis Beach Resort in which located at Papar, Sabah. Thank you so much to my beloved occasional sponsor-er for this. <3  

So we went there during the weekend, at the same time, there's another event held, which was the golf tournament.

The Garden

The room in which we stay

I wake up to this-the view from the balcony.

I was so impressed with the overall designs and comforts. However, I have to admit that it was a little bit creepy during the night time. Especially when there was a huge tree in front of the room. I always imagining somebody was hanging there, looking at us, So creepy, Lol

I have been spending my Sunday morning almost alone in this place. The cafe @Cabana cafe was a bit afar from my room and I have to go for a long walk to go there, The foods were nice and the staffs were so friendly. :D

@cabana cafe and Bar

What I bought from the bar during the happy hour. hihihi

Due to my ultimate loneliness, I decided to spend my time at the spa. I pay about RM 158 for their signature whole body massage and foot massage. I don't really mind spending long hours at the place since I am actually a spa lover. I love to get massage since I always working more than 12 hours 6 days per week. You might understand the tension of working too long. I always love to pamper myself because I concern about my health. Occasional body and foot massage will help me to have better blood circulation. Not forgot to mention, I also have fortnights routine to visit my favorite woman( she was not at Beringgis fyi. haha), who will conduct facial+sauna for me in which she will charge me with reasonable price. Salute to  her!

Tamarind Spa @beringgis

The entrance decoration inside the spa

I need to take bath here before get massage

Done! inside the massage room.

By the end of the day, I get out of my room since 4.30pm because I am hungry and I was planning to watch the sunset at the beach. I was so impressed with the idea " I have a dream to watch the sunset with you, before I die".

Too shiny

Hahaha

@the beach near cabana

I never felt ashamed to take selfies in the public. :D

The sun start to hide itself at 6pm. And the scenery turn out to be very mind blowing. The saddest moment when I looked around me, many couples were there. Holding hand and might be they were promising something good with their partner while making the beautiful sunset as their witness.

I am the only one who sitting there alone while thinking, "someone that I love should be sitting there besides me instead of my bag and my shades." Nevermind then, life goes on.

Sunset silhouette at Beringgis 

The ultimate view of sunset

And then, time passing by so fast. I hate the fact that every good things ended by so fast. That was what always happened to me. So sad. Nothing good last forever. But life goes on, either I am ready or not.

So I hope, I will visit another interesting place again soon.
I started to count every blessings that I have.
Thanks God.

Regards,
Diana Phillip

The myths of Purity

“For women especially, virginity has become the easy answer- the morality quick fix. You can be vapid, stupid, and unethical, but so long as you've never had sex, you're a "good" (i.e. "moral) girl and therefore worthy of praise.” ― Jessica Valenti, 

“While boys are taught that the things that make them men--good men--are universally accepted ethical ideals, women are led to believe that our moral compass lies somewhere between our legs. Literally.” 
― Jessica Valenti, 

I have been thinking about this since I don't know when, but I'm sure that was when my brain started to function correctly.

I called it double standard. In which, people made funny meme, telling the world that when a guy fucked with many girls, that doesn't make him a slut but a 'master-key' who can opened as many keys(women) that he loves. But when it comes to women sleeping with many guys, she was officially a slut. A bitch. A hooker. Whatever you may call her.

I still remember a few months back, when I had the chance to hang out with a friend from Vietnam, who spent his life mostly living in USA. I can say that I am actually like  the way he explaining things and his perception about things. I still remember the times he asked me if I already have boyfriend or not. And then he asked me if I was a virgin or not, because he said, I have a great figure in which, usually owned by woman who's having great sex life.

"I am 24 years old and I never slept with anybody. I am not a bad girl," I told him. And then he looked at me astonished. "Do you said, having sex is bad? making you a bad girl?"

That was the day I started to open my mind for things I never wanted to accept. I was raised within a culture in which, teaching me that as a woman, we shall be 'pure' till the day of our marriage. That was the biggest sin to lose virginity If I am not marry yet. I will be worthless and lost my dignity. I will be labelled as a Bitch, and my parent will never be proud of me. Nobody will marry me if I am not a virgin anymore. That's it. These advices haunting us for years.

I used to ask my parent, "Why man don't want to marry me if I am no longer pure?" then they replied," Because having sex before marriage is a sin and only slut doing that. You are not a slut," "How if I get marry with someone who already not pure? I am marrying a man-slut then?" Unfortunately, the term and condition was only applicable to women. Not men.

That was the day I understand that, I can be clever, pretty, asshole, dumb and so on, as long as I am still a virgin, I can be proud of myself. Women's morality will be judged based on the word "virgin or not". I can say that I am a bit disagree with it, but what can I do?

The easiest way to make myself less valuable is to have sex. Don't mind about my past achievements. My greatest things that I already did for others. As long I am not a virgin before getting marry, I am no longer valuable. Easy as that.

"You will never be happy in your life, If you commit sex before marriage" that was the ultimate curse I ever heard. Whatever then.
I thought God will forgive people's sin.
What is the purpose of praying and asking for a good life when in the end, sex will make your whole life miserable.

I thought that going to garage won't make you a car, Going to church won't make you a saint. And having sex won't make you a slut.

The Day I started to realize, I am beyond Imperfect.

The good old days. I want my old figure back

Recently, I had spent most of my time wishing I was someone else. I am not really sure what had happened to me, but I keep on feeling that I am beyond imperfect.

I became so pessimistic. I don't want to see the good things that I have. I keep on searching my weaknesses and feel sorry about it.

I started to blame myself for not taking care of myself.  I keep on thinking I am supposed to be better than this.

I hate looking at the mirror recently. I was like, I don't feel like I had doing something better for myself. I hate my face. I hate my hair. I hate my body. I hate myself.

Maybe I am just too emotional. I hate to accept the fact that I am actually nothing but why I behave like I was something. I blame myself for making people liking me, falling in love with me and most of all, I blame myself for letting the good guy to love me.

I am beyond imperfect. I don't have something to be proud of. I am too ordinary to be special. I am so pessimistic. I am the example of worthless.

You have wasting your time trying to love me.
When I don't even try to love myself.


Diana