Aim for the Moon, If you miss, you still land among the stars.

My room decoration ^_^

Last week, I've spent my time decorating my room wall with the glow in the dark stars and moon. I always get inspired with things I heard or saw in TV or books.

Because there's a phrase saying that we shall try to aim for the moon, if we fall, we will still fall among the stars. This taught us that, there is nothing wrong to dream big and to force yourself to aim for the best. If you cannot get it, at least you will still get the good one. Finger crossed. 

I am always trying to get the best for myself. But sometimes I wasn't lucky enough to achieve my dream. Nevermind then. I have reading a lot of motivational quotes and books. And every books told me to think positive and continue living, based on my own translation of the book. There's a lot of choices and opportunity out there. I just need to discover it without giving up until I get the right one. ^_^

How God save me from the wrong opportunity.

I got few job opportunities recently but I guess, I cannot be fit with any of them. How sad. But life goes on.
However, I was blessed as God had saved me from the wrong opportunity and wrong employer. I had been called by a guy from peninsular Malaysia, offering job for me, which actually made me feel a little bit excited because that was one of the career that I would like to try to. However, thing goes wrong when he "suddenly admitted" that he just wanted to use me and my body and willing to give money to me if I am willing to do it for him. Go find another bitch man.

Like seriously, I want job and I am offering good service for your company. I might need money but it doesn't meant, it will cost my dignity for it.

Forgive him God, for he didn't knew what he was doing. *I blocked him from my whatsapp because I don't want to keep in contact with people like that*

How God Gave me hint to continue move on and wait for the right chances

As I browse my facebook page while thinking about how's things gonna be in the end, suddenly I saw this, posted by my friend. :)

Maybe I just need to wait. Maybe things will happen when the perfect time has come. Not so soon. Not too late. Just on the perfect timing, it should happen.*keep in faith. God bless.

I knew everything had been written and destined.
But it doesn't mean I should stop trying.

Life goes on dear friends,
either we are ready or not. Just pray that everything will be fine eventually.

Regards,
Diana

Gifts of Hope

Recently I have been thinking too much of what going to be happen in the future. I am always afraid of obstacles. I am not somekind of pessimistic but I am tend to worry over problems that might be happen in the future.

I think, I inherit this 'over thinking' brain from my dad. He always worrying about things, about money and so on. And most of the time, it will be about money. I grew up as a woman who thought that money is the root of everything. Money can't buy happiness but without money, you'll gonna feel like dying. :/

My friend used to ask me about things I fear the most. And my answer was like, "Having no job. Not well-established and cannot afford myself and my family. I have a lot of bills to be paid. Now and forever." Sounds like bluffing but this is the truth. I have to pay my educational loan, my dad's car loan and soon might be having to pay my own house. My youngest twin brothers will further their study soon and I guess, they will also use a lot of money. Damn. I cannot imagine how struggle I will be, sooner. I am trying to convince myself that, God will make a way, when it seems to be no way.

Back to my prior intention to write this post.
I sometimes did a post mortem about myself and my stupid expenses every month. When I knew some people who make lesser income than me every month but still have the courage to work and to struggle, then I have no excuses for myself. I am unmarried, young but already made some good amount of money( for my level) but rarely being grateful of what I already have. I have to remind myself everyday to cherish every blessings, before it's gone.

After spending my whole day in office, thinking about life, I started  to decide to get involve in charity and volunteering activities, especially for humanity and for the needy.I did sign up for some volunteering causes but if I was unable to attend myself, I will prefer to just donating some amount of money.

I was always thinking what is the main purpose I'm living everyday.
Then I choose to answer my question back, as simple as I can;
First, because God don't want me to die yet. There's a plenty of oxygen all around me for me to breath and living.

Second to realise that, life is real. No matter how life's gonna treat me, I have to continue living, either I was ready or not.

Third, I live in order for my own pleasure. And to realize that not everything is possible in this world. Sometimes it might going to be happen but not as soon as possible... but someday. Like, I was thinking of driving a Maserati today but I can't get it tomorrow or next week but maybe 20 years later I will. Kidding. I don't want to invest money for luxury car. :D

And the last one, I was living in order to learn on how to be grateful. To start appreciating every blessings I have, big or small. I might not well established, but I have to be grateful that God sent a good man for me to support me.

After my family, I always wish that somehow I can contribute to the world. For the needy people. For humanity. Then I decided to start donating for charity and for church at least one in a month. ^_^
My next life goal is to share what I have with those who need it. At least I did something good for myself and for those who need it.

I decided to give not because I am rich.
But because I knew how does it feel, when you have nothing.

God bless,
Diana Erika

Weekend well spent @Beringgis Beach Resort

It's been a while since the last time I post something on my blog.
I don't really have time for myself actually recently. Too busy devoting myself for other people and other things. haha.

So last week, I mean on 14/15/16 March 2015, I have been spending my leisure time at Beringgis Beach Resort in which located at Papar, Sabah. Thank you so much to my beloved occasional sponsor-er for this. <3  

So we went there during the weekend, at the same time, there's another event held, which was the golf tournament.

The Garden

The room in which we stay

I wake up to this-the view from the balcony.

I was so impressed with the overall designs and comforts. However, I have to admit that it was a little bit creepy during the night time. Especially when there was a huge tree in front of the room. I always imagining somebody was hanging there, looking at us, So creepy, Lol

I have been spending my Sunday morning almost alone in this place. The cafe @Cabana cafe was a bit afar from my room and I have to go for a long walk to go there, The foods were nice and the staffs were so friendly. :D

@cabana cafe and Bar

What I bought from the bar during the happy hour. hihihi

Due to my ultimate loneliness, I decided to spend my time at the spa. I pay about RM 158 for their signature whole body massage and foot massage. I don't really mind spending long hours at the place since I am actually a spa lover. I love to get massage since I always working more than 12 hours 6 days per week. You might understand the tension of working too long. I always love to pamper myself because I concern about my health. Occasional body and foot massage will help me to have better blood circulation. Not forgot to mention, I also have fortnights routine to visit my favorite woman( she was not at Beringgis fyi. haha), who will conduct facial+sauna for me in which she will charge me with reasonable price. Salute to  her!

Tamarind Spa @beringgis

The entrance decoration inside the spa

I need to take bath here before get massage

Done! inside the massage room.

By the end of the day, I get out of my room since 4.30pm because I am hungry and I was planning to watch the sunset at the beach. I was so impressed with the idea " I have a dream to watch the sunset with you, before I die".

Too shiny

Hahaha

@the beach near cabana

I never felt ashamed to take selfies in the public. :D

The sun start to hide itself at 6pm. And the scenery turn out to be very mind blowing. The saddest moment when I looked around me, many couples were there. Holding hand and might be they were promising something good with their partner while making the beautiful sunset as their witness.

I am the only one who sitting there alone while thinking, "someone that I love should be sitting there besides me instead of my bag and my shades." Nevermind then, life goes on.

Sunset silhouette at Beringgis 

The ultimate view of sunset

And then, time passing by so fast. I hate the fact that every good things ended by so fast. That was what always happened to me. So sad. Nothing good last forever. But life goes on, either I am ready or not.

So I hope, I will visit another interesting place again soon.
I started to count every blessings that I have.
Thanks God.

Regards,
Diana Phillip

The myths of Purity

“For women especially, virginity has become the easy answer- the morality quick fix. You can be vapid, stupid, and unethical, but so long as you've never had sex, you're a "good" (i.e. "moral) girl and therefore worthy of praise.” ― Jessica Valenti, 

“While boys are taught that the things that make them men--good men--are universally accepted ethical ideals, women are led to believe that our moral compass lies somewhere between our legs. Literally.” 
― Jessica Valenti, 

I have been thinking about this since I don't know when, but I'm sure that was when my brain started to function correctly.

I called it double standard. In which, people made funny meme, telling the world that when a guy fucked with many girls, that doesn't make him a slut but a 'master-key' who can opened as many keys(women) that he loves. But when it comes to women sleeping with many guys, she was officially a slut. A bitch. A hooker. Whatever you may call her.

I still remember a few months back, when I had the chance to hang out with a friend from Vietnam, who spent his life mostly living in USA. I can say that I am actually like  the way he explaining things and his perception about things. I still remember the times he asked me if I already have boyfriend or not. And then he asked me if I was a virgin or not, because he said, I have a great figure in which, usually owned by woman who's having great sex life.

"I am 24 years old and I never slept with anybody. I am not a bad girl," I told him. And then he looked at me astonished. "Do you said, having sex is bad? making you a bad girl?"

That was the day I started to open my mind for things I never wanted to accept. I was raised within a culture in which, teaching me that as a woman, we shall be 'pure' till the day of our marriage. That was the biggest sin to lose virginity If I am not marry yet. I will be worthless and lost my dignity. I will be labelled as a Bitch, and my parent will never be proud of me. Nobody will marry me if I am not a virgin anymore. That's it. These advices haunting us for years.

I used to ask my parent, "Why man don't want to marry me if I am no longer pure?" then they replied," Because having sex before marriage is a sin and only slut doing that. You are not a slut," "How if I get marry with someone who already not pure? I am marrying a man-slut then?" Unfortunately, the term and condition was only applicable to women. Not men.

That was the day I understand that, I can be clever, pretty, asshole, dumb and so on, as long as I am still a virgin, I can be proud of myself. Women's morality will be judged based on the word "virgin or not". I can say that I am a bit disagree with it, but what can I do?

The easiest way to make myself less valuable is to have sex. Don't mind about my past achievements. My greatest things that I already did for others. As long I am not a virgin before getting marry, I am no longer valuable. Easy as that.

"You will never be happy in your life, If you commit sex before marriage" that was the ultimate curse I ever heard. Whatever then.
I thought God will forgive people's sin.
What is the purpose of praying and asking for a good life when in the end, sex will make your whole life miserable.

I thought that going to garage won't make you a car, Going to church won't make you a saint. And having sex won't make you a slut.

The Day I started to realize, I am beyond Imperfect.

The good old days. I want my old figure back

Recently, I had spent most of my time wishing I was someone else. I am not really sure what had happened to me, but I keep on feeling that I am beyond imperfect.

I became so pessimistic. I don't want to see the good things that I have. I keep on searching my weaknesses and feel sorry about it.

I started to blame myself for not taking care of myself.  I keep on thinking I am supposed to be better than this.

I hate looking at the mirror recently. I was like, I don't feel like I had doing something better for myself. I hate my face. I hate my hair. I hate my body. I hate myself.

Maybe I am just too emotional. I hate to accept the fact that I am actually nothing but why I behave like I was something. I blame myself for making people liking me, falling in love with me and most of all, I blame myself for letting the good guy to love me.

I am beyond imperfect. I don't have something to be proud of. I am too ordinary to be special. I am so pessimistic. I am the example of worthless.

You have wasting your time trying to love me.
When I don't even try to love myself.


Diana

Wish Upon a Wishing Star

Just so you know,

I need to control myself 

I shall not let others see me crying

Pretending I do not care about you 

Wish not thinking of you 

Blame myself for not having courage to face this.

My heart hurts that I could not breathe

I could not find footprints that you left

Open my eyes looking at you 

But I am helpless 

To let you disappear from my eyes.

I could not find the reason to be strong 

Could no longer feel your warmth

Tell me where is the star universe

Does the place have an end...

So I wish upon a wishing star…

Let you know I love you .

And I don't want to be apart from you. 

Even for a Day.

If you are given 100 Years to live, I will wish to live 100-1 years

So I will live everyday with you by my side, till the last breath I take.

Diana Erika Phillip

New Chapter in Life

When a woman did something extraordinary, that's mean she's going to change her life.

Latest books in my reading list

I am not an occasional book readers, but when I did, that's mean I am thinking of doing something.
At this moment, I am thinking on rectifying my life. I need better planning. I am afraid of failure but at the same time, I was so optimist that I still can change my life and creating a better future for myself. God bless me.