Ain't no sunshine after the grey sky?

21 January 2015,
12.38 PM


The sky look gloomy since few days ago.
Just as gloomy as my heart. I hate pretending that I'm currently having a good day when actually, I am not. This is just the 21st day after New Year and I already felt so miserable. 

Like you know,
Too many people told me life is like a bicycle. In order to keep on moving, I have to keep on cycling. But, each person has different capabilities. And my strength and courage to continue facing every obstacles is not enough, I guess so. I am not strong enough to face things that ruining my day or even my life, especially when I have to go through it alone. 

On this 3rd week of January, I admit that I am such a loser.
I get angry over things I cannot handle.
I took the wrong opportunity. I get upset for things I cannot solve. 
Damn. 

I need time to recover and to get back my sanity. 
I lost interest in everything. Almost everything. I spend my day thinking on how to go on with life.
I used to love going to work and wait for the end of the month for my payslip.
But recently I am not in the mood of working. I hate the struggle of going to work. 

I hope this is just a temporary miserable situation.
Should I pray for salvation? 

*sighed*

Behind this Smile

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I have too many things on my mind.
I woke up everyday to struggle living.
I am in between of happiness and despair.
I want everything happened based on what I already planned.
But things always happen randomly.
All I ever learnt was, planning was some kind of wishes and it tend to make me disappointed.

I guess people will see me as an easy going, happy go lucky girl. But nobody really understand what exactly inside my mind.

I don't really have anybody to share everything. I tend to keep it myself.  Because I am afraid of people's opinion. I am afraid of objection.

I hate knowing the fact that I will be facing tomorrow, that tend to be so mysterious and don't even want to give me any hint on how to survive.

I am so despair.
I need time to recover.

Behind every smile I show, I already shed many tears I wouldn't show.

Diana.  

The People, After The Rain Had Gone

There was heavy raining outside and everybody running back home to  shelter themselves except those man and  woman, who decided to stay in the bus stop, wishing that the rain will stop soon. The man took a glimpse to her and realized, she was a pretty woman and start adoring her. The woman in the bus stop, luckily felt the same way and secretly wishing that he will be hers. However, they were stranger  to each other. That was the fact that force her to decide, to just ignoring him, ignoring the affection because she didn't knew him. The man decided to take the first step to get to know her despite of the fact that they were stranger. 
" I like you" He told her.
" But I don't know you. We just met accidentally. There are 0 possibility that we will meet again in the future" She said.
" But we can take the risk, and try... maybe we were destined for each other. I can always look for you after this," He suggested.
" I don't want.." She said and then the rain stopped. That was the last time they met. 
After the rain had gone, they leave the bus stop... going to their own destination and never meet again.

This is a metaphor.

How many of you ever fall in love to someone You just met? You don't know his/her background, but the affection made you claimed that s/he was your love at the first sight. Then,you tend to make a risky move to get him/her, without thinking about the consequences that might hurt you in the future. 

But for me, 
Sometimes, just sometimes.... it worth to take the risk if somebody really meant for you.

Diana

The Last Song

“I have faith that God will show you the answer. But you have to understand that sometimes it takes a while to be able to recognize what God wants you to do. That's how it often is. God's voice is usually nothing more than a whisper, and you have to listen very carefully to hear it. But other times, in those rarest of moments, the answer is obvious and rings as loud as a church bell.” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Almost Losing my Momentum

19 January 2015,

It's just 19 days after new year. And I already feel losing my momentum to go on. 

I have the anxiety to face tomorrow. I am afraid of bad news. I am afraid of unfulfilled wishes.

I learnt that not everything happened according to plan. Like, I am hoping I can work in better Prpject with a new company, but end up staying in the same project. I always see myself 2 years ahead. And I am so afraid of failure. 

I want to kneel and pray but It's been a while since the last time I did that.

Do you think God still care for me? 

Diana

Because all we need were Faith and Trust

Its been a while since the last time I am writing something in this lonely Blog.
Haha. The fact is that, I only had desire to post something if I have something beneficial to talk about.
Like the wise man said, if you have nothing good to say, it is better to left unsaid.

Ok back to the my intention on writing this post.

I had been working for a year and to be honest, I still have a lot of things to improve. That is why I hate complaining about my salary and so on. I do things usually based on honesty and intention to improve myself. Like somebody told me, in Islam, gaining knowledge is a way to get "Pahala" (rewards that God will grant for us). Well I am not a Muslim indeed, but as far as I concern, I learn and instil every good deeds taught in every beliefs and religion.
I had seen many peoples who trying hard to be  super good to their Boss/Manager and willing to do anything asked, just because they want to 'look good' and beneficial to their  Boss. In fact, this is because, some people really taught that it was their Boss who will have the power to decide their opportunity to get Job or to continue working.
Well for me, I always try my best to do anything asked by my superior because I don't like to disappoint them.I am willing to do anything just for the sake of helping and because,it was my job. I don't have the intention to impress,but if my Superior was being impress with me, then I will be glad. Because I knew I had did something right and I already can contribute something. I am not that kind of person,who will use my face or my body or my 'stupidity' to get promotion. In fact, I never gave a damn. Why? because I'm holding one principal  for my working life.
"If I try my best during working, never betraying others, helping as much as I can, Work smart because I knew I can do it, being grateful of everything I had even when others told me I shall ask more,even when my Superior cannot see what I am doing, but God never been Blind"
Well, I might be rude sometimes, some of my Bosses disliking me because I don't know how to pretend to be good with them, and I never hesitate to criticize whenever I found they had done something 'wrong'.  *sighed.
If I was really that bad, my ex-Superior (from another company) wouldn't try to plead me to stay but unfortunately I can't due to my company policy.
Last but not least, Just for reminder for myself and for those who agree,
"we don't have to be worry to try being pathetic and supporting 500% our Manager whenever s/he did something wrong. Sometimes we have to stand for our right and pride,avoid doing bad things. If our Boss,dislikes us, nevermind then. Maybe it was not the place for us to improve. And trust me, it was God who will decide the best opportunity for us. Not here,but might be at better place. Pray. A good employee will have the best employer. Do your best in working, never complaint, profit will follow sooner or later".

Because all we need, are faith and trust in God that someday, God will grant something better for us.

Regards,
Diana Erika Phillip

We often see things, not as far as God had planned for us

It's been a while since the last time I'm updating my blog...
Hello everyone! Life getting real for me right now. But forget it. I just want to share a simple opinion regarding to the title of this post today.

We often see things, not as far as God had planned for us. I'll try to explain as simple as possible.

"There was a kid who wish to get a new toy for his birthday. While he was going for shopping with his mother, he saw a small remote control car at the supermarket and decide to have that toy for his birthday. He forcing his mother to buy it for him. He yelled and being cranky, till the mother fed up and said "yes son. I decide it first..." The little kid was not really sure if he really can get the toy for his birthday, so he pray to God that his mother wont change her mind and will give him the remote control car for his birthday.

On his birthday, his mother gave a present to him. The kid opened the gift and found that it was the toy of his dream. He was totally excited... till his brother come and tell him the truth.

" Little bro, mom actually had already decide to bought a new bicycle for your birthday. But since you are forcing mom to get this for you, then, she change her mind and bought this, instead of bicycle for you... a total loss for you".... Then.. what happened next is that, the kid found that the small remote control car was not interesting as it was before".

Now... look at ourselves.
We often pray to God, and forcing HIM to answer our prayer based on our necessity on that time. We cannot wait, and keep on asking HIM to answer our prayer, just as what we wish. We just cannot wait... Till He answered us just as what we want whereas, He asked us to wait, because He had already prepared something Better for us. Something we cannot imagine because It was hard for us to believe that God planned was better than us.

count every blessings. Good things happened for those who wait and faithful.

Sincerely,
Diana Erika Phillip