Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Try Again next Time

There are a lot of times when you're facing disappointment,
half of your self telling you to give up. While half of it will ask you to go on and try again.

It is your choices, either to give up or to try again.

Once upon a time I used to be so weak...nahh kidding. I've never been so weak.
When I can't help myself, I always surrender to the Al-mighty and that made me stronger.

Just when the caterpillar think the world is over,
It became a Butterfly.

Dont give up.
Miracle happen.


Self-reminder,
Diana

Thursday, September 1, 2016

The Hospital Window...

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation...
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band — he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Everything Happened for Reasons...


When I was a little bit younger than today, often time I found it was hard for me to understand why God allows some unexpected things to be happen in my life.
Yes I admit. I am not some kind of person who religiously going to church every Sunday.
But I trust in the existence of God. And that was enough for me to stay with my faith.

Few months back, I had read about the tales of two friends who went for vacation somewhere near the Fujiyama mountain. They are both living at their local friend's home who lives at the foot of the mountain. One fine day, the weather is so wonderful that their local friend wake them up early in the dawn to see the scenery of the beautiful mountain. The two friend were so amazed to see the strong, beautiful mountain in front of them. They took a lot of photos to show their excitement and appreciation of the beautiful scenery they see in front of their eyes.
"you only see not even half of the mountain my dear friends. The peak is still covered with those heavy dew. If you are able to see it sooner or later, I am sure you'll had multiple excitement than you have just by seeing a bit of Fuji," their local friend tell them.
My dear friend, this is exactly what happened in our life. We can only see what appear in front of our eyes or things that happened at present. Either it is good or bad thing. But God see the whole thing, even the things that we cannot foresee because it has not happen yet. :) :) That's why He let some things to be happen to us.

Often time, when good things happened, we forgot to be prepare for the worse in the next future because we cant foresee them. And when bad things happened, we often give up and blame God to let it happen to us because we cannot see what exactly awaiting us  next. 

But God doesn’t test us because He doesn’t know how strong we are.Instead, He tests us because we don’t know how strong we are — and we’ll only realize it when times of testing come. None of us likes to go through hard times (and God isn’t necessarily behind them, even if He does allow them). But God can use them to show us our weaknesses. And when that happens, we need to ask God to help our faith grow. Testing should make us spiritually stronger — and it will as we turn it over to God. The Bible says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials … so that you may be mature and complete”


Pray and you shall be given. 

God bless,

Diana

Monday, August 8, 2016

L.O.V.E

If you really love someone, you care about him/her as much or more than yourself,never less.
People always said, love yourself before loving other. But this is sometimes not applicable to certain people, including myself. I am so amazed on how someone can love me so much when I don't even love myself.

If you really love someone, you will never asked what you get in return for loving your partner, "After all I have done, this is what I get from you?". Hmm.. Love is about sacrificing without even mentioning it. If you always wanted to be 'accepted', "appreciated" then your partner is just like those other people you want to impress, not to love,

Everyone has their own struggles in life. If you really love someone, instead of being over emotional, you may need to have empathy, which is putting yourself in your other's half shoes. What if your partner just having a not so good day and all s/he wish is to have good communications with you but you end up ruining it just because of simple misunderstanding?

If you really love someone, you will never cheat him/her. You'll gonna struggle to make things works, both of you,

Remember that, 
your partner may cannot love you the way you wish him/her to love you. S/he might be incapable to do it. But remember, the person that love you will always love you with everything that they  have, even when it is below your expectation.

Regards,
Diana

Bed Time Story


Once upon a time,
There was an island where all feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Vanity, Knowledge, Richness, and Love.
Theirs was a contented existence until one day to everyone’s dismay it was discovered that the island was sinking. Everyone was told they must leave. So the feelings all prepared their boats and started leaving their beloved island.
Love was the only one that stayed, behind. Love so cared for the island home that he wanted to stay until they were sure that the island was really sinking. 
When Love realized that the island was really sinking, he decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a beautiful boat. Love said, “Richness, can you take me with you?” Richness answered,”No, I can’t. There are a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no room in here for you.”
Love decided to ask Vanity who was passing by, “ Vanity, please help me!” “ I can’t help you Love. You are all wet and will damage my boat,” Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, “Sadness, let me go with you.” “ Oh...Love, I am so sad that I can’t help anyone. I prefer to be alone!”
Happiness passed Love too. She was too happy to notice when Love called her!
Suddenly, there was a voice, “ Come Love, I will take you.” It was an elderly man.
Love became very happy that he even forgot to ask the name of the elder. When they arrived to safe grounds, Love asked Knowledge who was the elderly man.
“It was time.” “Time? But why did Time help me?”
“Because only Time is capable of understanding such a great Love.”
Remember that when things may look the bleakest, and when all appears abandon, Time is capable of solving anything.
Things may not have a solution today, but tomorrow you may find one!

Paranoid


It's been a while since the last time i write something in here.... too many things had changed, including myself...:D "i hope I changed for good. Hopefully.

Sometimes I hate myself for being a deep thinker. I get jealous with some people who lived the life they always wanted, Unlike me. I wanted to be free but I have an obligation in life.
I still remember a year ago, when I randomly made decisions to go far away from my current life at the moment, because I am too depressed with everything and everyone. But planning is easier than execution.

Sometimes I feel like my life is too random. I mean, it changing in a blink of eyes.
Once upon a time I used to think life is easy and future is not something I should be worry of. But then, as time passing by, things always happened not based on what I wish or want. People changed. Commitment changed. And then, life story changed.

I met many people who keep on making me changing my perception about life.
I agreed that people that came into our life are not coincidence. But God had sent them to us, either to give us a lesson or to learn from us. Some of them teaching me to be independent and full of courage because we can't predict what will happen in the future. And, some of them taught me to just live the life I want without worry because life is too short to be worry of. I am in between of both, Like, seriously,

As if only I am just living for myself, then I have nothing to scared of. But I am living for myself and for others. Being the 'pillars' daughter is one of my major task.

I had spent my younger age pleasing people around me including my family. As if only they knew I don't want to be 'me' today, I hate my job, I didn't enjoy my current life but for the sake of their happiness then I have to be strong for it., well., *sighed.
I always get paranoid that I can't stay strong for a longer time being like this. I always felt that I have reached my limitation of being too independent and pushing myself to do something I dislike to do. I am scared that in the near future, I will no longer can do something beneficial,hence will not be appreciated anymore,.

Dear God, You always knew how messed up I am even I'd tried my best to cover it up. Forgive me for being weak. I hope I can stay stronger for a little bit more.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I... I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
'Cause I... I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I... I will be here
As sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I... I will be here

I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here, hmmm

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

And just as sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I... I will be here
We'll be together
I will be here

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Hello 2016!!! May this year Bring prosperity to us.

Hello there,
It's been a while since the last time I wrote something on this blog. :D

It's already February. I am supposed to wrote something since January but I am just busy.
Besides, my laptop have some major problems with it's keyboard. Annoying much. hehehe


2016.

I have decided to change myself a lot within this year.
I am 26 this year. I have decided to change myself into someone better this year (lol).

First, attitude.
I need to control my attitude. Stop complaining too much. Motivate myself to be more positive. :D

Next is appearance.
I have decided to re-construct back everything.

Then the most important.
To have a serious relationship only.
Never waste time to be with people who doesn't worth my time.
I only want a serious relationship. :)


That's all for now.

Diana

Sunday, November 1, 2015

I moved to another house....

And so,
After a hectic week, I moved to another place at Tabuan Jaya area, about 1.7km from my workplace. :D

I arrived here since last night.:)

Now, I have a little space of my own. Hehehehe.
This place is nice. I feel like home. I can cook,can do laundry and so on. I am no longer need to wait for my turn to take shower since my bedroom have attached shower. There is also park just opposite the house. I am very excited since I am on my way to reduce my weight.
I will start planning time to exercise.


And in order to reduce cost, I also cooks here.I will buy groceries soon after I get my car. :D
I can choose what I want to eat. The easiest menu shall be vegetables. And fish maybe. Hehehehe.


I will try my best to adapt myself in this place.:D

Monday, October 19, 2015

New Working Experiences.

Today is the 3rd Official day I am working,

Our office in Kuching had already officially opened on 17th of October 2015.

New working experiences,new peoples and new company. I already pray hard before that everything will turn out better, when I am here. :)

However, things are not meant to be as smooth as I thought. :(
I have to face someone who keep on downgrading me and think that I can't do anything.


I'm trying my best to deal nicely with him.
I'm trying to not be over sensitive and try to assume that this is just a trial for me. :)

Hopefully, things will get better soon.

God bless me.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

The struggle is real

So many times I had to remind myself to keep calm and to keep on going on with my life.
I hate dealing with life issues. But now I have to and I have nobody here to help me.
I have to do everything on my own.

Second day in new place, I just spent my time looking for place to rent. I am not really comfortable in my current place due to privacy issues. I choose to move to another place next month.
Sometimes when I re-think about my life, I feel like I am working just to finish back my money on paying bills.

I feel stupid.
I  don't know If I am happy or not here.

If I am not happy, I'll move on,

Everything that make me feel uneasy, I will just leave it. Life is too short to keep on doing things I don't like.

Either it is a work life or Love issue, I decided to just leave it and move on if I continuously being unhappy with it. Try me. 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Auld Lang Syne....

The time is near for me to bid adieu.
I got mixed feelings but I know, no matter what, I have to face it.

This is just a process for me to grow. And to learn how to live and survive. Everything happened for reason. And I hope this time, it is for good.

People always told me, improve yourself before I'm old. I am always worrying that I will not do something beneficial for myself.

I get nervous going into that new place.
What should I do in the beginning? How to impress my new employer? Can I do the task given?

I am worrying too much.
I just hope that everything will be fine in the end.

God bless me for my next journey.

xoxo,
Diana

The Last Goodbye.

I saw the light fade from the sky
On the wind I heard a sigh
As the snowflakes cover
My fallen brothers
I will say this last goodbye

Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away

Over hill and under tree
Through lands where never light
has shone
By silver streams that
run down to the sea

Under cloud, beneath the stars
Over snow and winter's morn
I turn at last to paths that lead home

And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

Many places I have been
Many sorrows I have seen
But I don't regret
Nor will I forget
All who took that road with me

Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away

Over hill, and under tree
Through lands where
never light has shone
By silver streams that
run down to the sea

To these memories I will hold
With your blessing I will go
To turn at last to paths that lead home

And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

I bid you all a very fond farewell

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Only Me and You.

I just had a dream that you were far away
And that someone else was in your arms today
Though I know it's just a dream
Still my fear is so extreme
Cause I know that dreams could sometimes be so true
And I'll be blue....

Then I told myself
That I will stay the same
Even if you hurt me, I will take the blame
You are all I'm livin for
I would love you even more
I would keep the pain inside my door

It's enough for me that I have come to love you, I see
Because the heart I have could only want you
I just want you to remember
Even if it takes forever

I would wait until the world is through
When all that's left is
Only me and you

Yes I told myself I'd always stay the same
Even if you hurt me
I would take the pain
You are all I'm livin for
I would love you even more
I would keep the pain inside my door

I'll wait for you
You know it's true
Until I can now be with you
When all that's left
Is only me and you

Counting the Days



Last week, on 24th of September, I had tendered my resignation letter to my current company since I got another job offer from another places. :D

It's been 2 years I've been working in this current company and this project. And within 2 years, many things happened. Unexpectedly.
People always tell me, just go on with the flow. Let's thing happened on you, Appreciate every moment you're still breathing.

I can say that within 2 years, I have met many people that change my perception about life. Those who always told me to not giving up. And those who told me enjoy my younger life because I'll regret it when I am older. Those who taught me that doing things against the human nature were just fine. 2 years and I am no longer myself that I used to know when I was 23.

I fell in love. I get hurt. But I still hold on because sometimes, heartache is even worth than losing the love you always wanted for your life.

I am counting the day I'm leaving soon.
I don't understand what happened but... I feel like leaving is a big burden for me to handle right now. :(
It's not about I am afraid of what's going next. But I am afraid being parted. Being parted from the people that I love. I cannot bear the feeling of being lonely.
I know everything happened for reasons. But at least, I am wishing I know the reasons.

I am trying to comfort myself that I will be ok. We will meet always. Never stop keeping in touch.
But still, I cannot help myself from crying, whenever I was thinking about being parted.

God....
I just hope I knew the reasons.


Monday, August 31, 2015

Thinking About My Uncertain Future

I started to trust Alvin Tan's ideology about migrating. Never make money as an issue to start the plan. He was right that I am just lazy. Lazy to think and to start a life. There's a lot of my friends who were working abroad and still live gracefully. I am just afraid and lazy,indeed. In 3 years I hope, I will be at another country for the life I always wanted. 3 years to find some courages and to properly planning about things I shall do. Alvin is an example of illegal migrate that can survive and having a happy life till days. And Tuan Pham and Kubota san were another examples of Asian who used to live and studying in USA and yet became successful person in life. If you have a dream to change, then go on. Especially when you don't want to stuck in the same life and story forever. God bless me then.

Monday, August 24, 2015

When you fall in love again

Next time when you fall in love again,
find a man who never change the way he treated you since the first day he tried to get to be close with you. Because that was what made you fall in love with him.
And that was the thing that you will get used and when he stop doing that to you, you will feel some kind of emptiness, more to insecure. 

Next time when you fall in love again, find a man who tell you he loves you every single day and make sure he meant it. :) Because sometimes, he never can love you 100% even when you devoted all your life and your dignity for him. Sometimes you gonna lose yourself. He will make you feel insecure but never thought about it. You will be the only one who struggling too much because you are afraid he will change his feeling, sooner or later. 

Next time when you fall in love again, find a man who loves you more than you love him. Because you will suffer a lot, thinking and worrying about losing him, while in fact, you are the option. :) 

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Nobody said It was easy


Because sometimes you can't force things to happen based on what you want.
Sometimes you just gotta follow the flow. 
In the end, you will realize, nothing last forever. 

If somebody thought that it is okay to Giving up on you, never force them to try one more time.
Because it will never be the same. 

You just gotta accept it. 
And letting go things. 

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

What If I don't be someone the society told me to be?

What if I choose the wrong path in my life?

When I was younger, I live within a society in which people will decide on how to mould someone to be a perfect human being.
You have to be educated, have moral value, doing good deeds, going to Church and admitting your sin, marrying a loyal man, have kids and live together with your spouse till the day death separate both of you away.

I did follow 80% of the 'perfect life' rules but then I get bored.
Following the man-made rules didn't make me a happy person. Like seriously.
I feel happy when doing things that against the law. But I never killed people. :)

I have too many perception about life and how to live. People told me to have secured job, saving money for the old day. Instead, I save money for the rainy day.

People will tell me, I will be regretting my life because I choose freedom than happiness.
But nobody ask me what is the definition of happiness for me.

When I told them, "I don't believe I will stuck in this kind of life forever," they laughed.
" I believe that one day I will leave this place and continue living my live somewhere else based on my own rule about how to live,"
They told me I will do a big mistake and will regret.

Do you really think so?

If I choose the wrong path and live miserably. Do you think I will regret? Not really. Nothing last forever. Someday it will gone. Someday I will die. 
Someday I will die. 

Regards,
Diana

Friday, July 31, 2015

Every Woman's Dream

Many days passed, I don't really knew either I wasted it or living my best for it. Too many things happened recently. I know everything happened for reasons. And I am on my way to reveal it. :)

Things are not meant to be hide forever. If you have something to achieve, try to achieve it sincerely. I've too many lesson to be learnt in just a few days. I am lack of sleeping because I think too much. I stopped talking with my family because I am afraid they will ask about me.

I am afraid of what will happened to me in the future. I have too many dreams to achieve. But with my current life-style, I don't even knew how to start.

I wanted to have a normal life. When I was young, I always imagining myself having a good career. Becoming the best I can be. I am a good student during campus life. I never failed to get good results in any exam. I might be blessed to be clever. I find job almost easily because of God's bless and maybe also due to strong educational background I get when I was younger..

I grew up believing in God's Will and God's Wrath. I am always afraid of  karma. I avoid sin most of the time even with the fact I am not a religious person. I just believe in doing good deeds. To other, to myself and also to my family.
However, nobody is perfect. And so do I. *sighed

I almost lost my dream to have a grand wedding, attend by my relatives and friends. Marrying to a right man which is belong to me 100% and can accept me for what and who I am. In which, I shall devoted 100% of myself also for him, during the good and hard times (as mention in the bible). Having a comfortable house, cute babies... and grow old together.
I still hope I can have it. Maybe I just need time to reminisce back myself and get back to the track.
Oh dear God... I am praying for my heart salvation.

Slowly but surely, I will get back on my track. I just need time and the right person to bring myself to where I shall belong to.
Don't tell me it's hard to move on.
Somebody told me, If I sincerely have the will and courage to move on, God will make a way for me.

Still counting the day to start the day where I can be happier than today,
God bless.
Diana